This is a walk I went on around my mum’s house, my old house to get my bearing of being back home as well as visualizing the area I spent the majority of my teens in a different eye, seeing how much I have grown in my time at uni but also realizing just how depressed and anxious I was as a teen. It was nice to be home, but the memories of my step dad are so much more prominent when in this area as he lived here too. Although, it was nice to see how far I have come in terms of getting myself away from this environment, but it was still very hard. I did however enjoy being outside as this is where I would often feel safe, but I was always scared to go back home as I never knew what that meant. They were always annoyed at me for something, I might have gone for a walk for too long or something silly like I may have spoken to someone I shouldn’t have, it always felt like I had eyes on me at all times, no matter how quite of secretive I was, even for normal things that should not be hidden. I remember once I had locked my phone due to pocket dialing my PIN code in 3 times by accident, in France at that time, we would have to get a PUK number which meant calling the phone company. I got told off for this as my step dad said I was lying due to having put the wrong pin in on purpose… Who knows why I would’ve done that but it was probably just another reason for him to get angry at me. Funny, I had forgotten all about that memory, but things tend to come up at very random times. Even writing these things down, scares me that someone may loom at them and have a go at me for it.
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