This project has been a whirlwind of emotions. I first started this when I was feeling very depressed and suicidal, which are emotions I go through and come out of a lot in my life, they always come back. I think I finally got the grasp and idea of making a piece of work for me, and to benefit my needs and not to just make it to get a good grade or good feedback. I know for a fact this project will help me in the future. I am starting trauma therapy at the end of next week, and I know that this will be something I can show them as I am awful when it comes to talking to therapists, I usually tell them that everything is fine and that I do not need their help when that is very clearly a lie. This has been very triggering for me and has brought up a lot of bad memories which I had hidden away, but I do not think this is a bad thing, I think it is time that I actually deal with these emotions and fight them instead of putting them in a closed box.
Working in collaboration was something I was very nervous about, I tend to prefer working alone and not have to deal with other people, however, I was very pleasantly surprised. The person I was working with was so easygoing and unbelievably talented. I told her what I wanted my work to be about and a little bit about my background and she just understand everything and more! She gave me exactly what I wanted and more. I am really glad I was able to work with her, and I would really like to work with her again in the future. I suppose this is me trying to shut myself off from the rest f the world as usual, but again I was proven wrong that not everyone is mean, and some people are actually really friendly and easy.
I have had so many inspirations in this project, including Jo Spence who introduced me to the idea of phototherapy and then Liz Hingley who showed me the endless possibilities and mediums of taking photographs as a form of therapy and self-help. Thomas Cooper’s work was so inspiring as it spoke volumes and that is exactly what I want my images to do, even with the text next to them. I am really glad I was introduced to these really incredible artists. Working with poetry was something I have always wanted to do, but never go round to it and honestly, I love it so much and would really enjoy working with it some more.
Originally this project was going to be about how natural environments are where I go to feel peace, and I was going to use this project as a means to express myself visually as I always believed that I was terrible at expressing myself verbally, however, I feel the use of text in this and how well Eve interpreted what I wanted to prove me wrong and that maybe I am not as bad as I first thought. It feels as if this has turned into a more triggering and flashback type work which is something I will look back on in my life. I do believe that this book speaks both verbally as well as visually, which is very cool.
Looking at the book, even after a few times, I still get goosebumps and am very triggered as it is so realistic, but I am trying to learn to embrace and overuse those triggers until, hopefully, one day, they won’t be as strong as they are now.
I cannot quite believe that this is the last project I will be doing in my university journey, it feels so unreal and scary, but kind of exciting. This time a few months ago, I would have been so stressed and depressed about finishing uni, and even though I still am slight, I feel so much better myself, I am improving slowly and I am starting to see it which is so reassuring to me. I am finally feeling excited to see what the future will bring.
Bibliography
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