Kate Peters - Cam Girls

Kate Peters is a British photographer from the Coventry, England and was born in 1980. She completed her studies at Falmouth College of Arts in Cornwall where she studied Photography. After graduating she spent 4 years assisting Nadav Kandar, a photographer who I am also particularly interested in researching for this project.

I am strongly intrigued by Kate Peters project ‘Cam Girls’ where she photographs women who work for themselves by creating online content which usually involves a sexual nature. Reading Jenna Garnett’s articles - Portraits of Sex Cam Girls, Captured Through Skype (NSFW) based on this subject and how Peters went about completing this project has really fascinated me, as stated in the article,' ‘She collaborates with these women to make art at a distance, offering a contemporary picture of a long-taboo subject.’ (Garrett, J, 2015) The images that have been created are very beautiful which some may think is quite contrasted to the subject itself. The photographs themselves ‘mimicked 19th-century western art nudes’ (Garrett, J., 2015) which, in my opinion, is really beautifully illustrated. The majority of female nude art was created for the male gaze especially in this period, but it is difficult to know if Peters was using these sorts of poses to portray this idea.

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"One woman said she would pop into the kitchen to get some yogurt drink and he'd [her partner] think she was just thirsty and she would be getting something to pour on her breasts," says Peters. "At this point her partner was unaware of her job. She'd go back into her work room and be in character again, fulfilling the fantasies of a man on the other side of the world." (Garret, J, 2015)

Now this is what surprised me the most when reading this article. The fact that some of these women have partners when doing and they are keeping it secret from them. Personally, I would constantly be living in fear as who knows what is being recorded, screenshotted, hacked or anything, they are able to just switch personalities when on camera and not which is fair enough but in my opinion, once something has been put out there, it will always be out there, which makes me wonder if these women even worry about this.

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To me, there is nothing sexual about this image, I see it as a very beautiful and natural pose of a beautiful lady, but I suppose we see sexual things as a taboo subject that everyone avoids as much as possible even though it is a completely natural thing.

I found this project extremely interesting in a number of aspects, but mostly the method of the photo taken, Peters took screenshots of the women through Skype and then rephotographed them on a large format camera which explains why the images are very pixilated which I find to be very aesthetic and is the look I am going for in my camera images.

Customised advertising from when we speak

I found, and I knew a few others have also experiences this, that at times I may say something and the next thing I know, I will have an advert pop up on my phone for this thing. I know this could be complete coincidence, however I had never received these sorts of adverts before.

In this case I had an advert for Tinder, I had never downloaded of even thought about tinder before, however I was speaking about it to my sister as she uses it for amusement and then all of a sudden, I checked my phone and went through Tik Tok and I had an advert for it, I thought this to be really odd.

I have heard of people having similar experiences with this sort of scenario and I just think it’s really odd. Are they listening to us? Why? How would they know to advertise these things otherwise?

Asking those who have never felt these feelings about how this project makes them feel.

After I made the poll on Instagram, I messaged those who replied saying they do not feel as if they are being watched with a few questions to sort of understand why they believe some people do feel this way. But I didn’t get much more than what I got on Instagram other than more detailed answers.

Live CCTV

I remember when I was a child, I found a few website where I was able to watch Live CCTV cameras of different places as I was always curious and always wanted to travel around.

It’s now that I realise, even though there is nothing wrong with it as it is all public spaces, it’s quite fascinating how we can still see how people go about their day in a number of different countries. I found it quite fun to see which countries were social distancing and what regulations they were following through watching them, which sounds really creepy!!

https://www.skylinewebcams.com/

I am not too sure why, but I was most fascinated by the new york cameras as you are able to go around a lot of new york and see what is going on right now. I was kind of thinking there would be some protests or something due to the elections but it all it seems pretty quiet.

Then again the 2 times I checked were at 8.00 am and 3.00pm so not very interesting times. I will check again tonight.

https://www.earthcam.com/

Hidden Camera in Park

When I left the house this morning, I had everything planned to glue a 1 pounds coin to the floor, I have my super glue and my coin at the ready. I went for a walk along a cycle path to find the perfect spot, I got my wildlife camera and hit it as well as possible and then, with great difficulty, I stuck the 1 pounds to the floor.

I was so proud that I was out doing this, all by myself as normally I would be too embarrassed. Anyway, i sat not too far away so that I could just about see the area the camera was in just in case someone saw it and stole it.

Everything was ready, I was just waiting patiently. Turns out the first person to find it managed to get it off the ground and steal it, but they left some quite funny footage and some great images.

Even though this person managed to get the pound, (even though I made sure it was well glued down, he definitely worked for his money! ) I didn’t realise until some time after as I was trying not to look to often as I didn’t want people to realise I was watching them. I was quite happy with some of the images I got of just people living there lives going for cycle rides and for walks, as this, in my opinion, is the last place you would imagine being watched, but it’s almost quite peaceful seeing how everyone goes about their day. I often sit on park benches and just people-watch in general.

I really enjoyed sitting and having my camera do the work for me, as I was able to do more research whilst taking photos at the same time!

I also got to meet a really cute dog which was great, whos owner gave me some very strange looks as I was setting up the camera.

Playing around with where I can hide cameras

I stayed at Locksbrook until quite late for when there was a very small amount of people in as I didn’t want anyone to see me finding hiding spots for my camera.

So i went for a walk around Locksbrook and just found some small places I could put the camera when I want to get some imagery. I didn’t find many places, but I had a good think of where I could out it.

Including

  • Inside the Fridge in the kitchen area

  • Inside the vending machine at the bottom

  • On the stairs as the wall is black and so is my camera so it can be easily hidden there

  • Any corners as not many people look in corners

  • Hidden inside of normal everyday objects such as Coffee cups, Wrappers, coat button holes, inside boxes etc etc…

Here are some images of where I placed the camera last night.

Obviously my white tac is not very discreet so I would need to make it a lot less visible.

Camera hidden on the stairs

I hid another camera in plain sight, as it was a black camera, I hid it by sticking it the stairs as they have a black wall going up them facing outwards, this was I was able to get some images of people walking up and doing the Street at locksbrook Campus.

I like this a lot actually due to the frame but also because everyone here has a purpose and they are all going somewhere, whether to their classes, to study, to meet friends, anything.

It just interesting that each and everyone of the people inside the images has a story and they are thinking of something, but that is one thing that we as human being are currently able to keep confidential, our thoughts. But how long will it be before they can read those as well?

Camera hidden in plain sight

I hid one of my cameras in plain sight, but as it is a cube and I was charging it, no one paid any attention to it and so these were some of the images that I got from it.

Unfortunately I out it facing a little too high up and so I the angle was wrong and only got the top of some peoples head, but it was a fun first time experiment.

I love the bad quality of the images s I feel it give it that extra ‘spy’ sort of aesthetic.

I my use these in my final display, however I am still not too sure as to what I am going to be doing with it.

Stephen Gill

Stephen Gill is a British photographer best known for his images of East London. He is originally from Bristol and was born in 1971. He has exhibited his work in a number of well known institutions including The National portrait gallery, the V&A and Tate. (https://www.artspace.com/artist/stephen-gill, 2020)

I am most interested in his project ‘ The Pillar ‘ and ‘Night Processions’ in which he used a motion detector camera to capture images of the wildlife in the area.

Gill put out this camera without any idea what he would capture if anything. But he knew there was a lot of wildlife and birds in the surrounding areas

‘Sometimes the birds landed on top of the camera, creating abstract patterns with their wings’(https://www.bjp-online.com/2019/07/the-pillar-by-stephen-gill/, 2019)

“In a way, the birds made the work themselves, I've just orchestrated an environment in which the pictures can be born." (Gill, S. 2019)

Stephen Gill. The Pillar.

Stephen Gill. The Pillar.

I had bought a wildlife camera on Amazon for about 50 quid to photograph the foxes in my boyfriends nans front garden as she always buts food out for them every night and so I wanted to show her what was eating the food! We got some amazing shots, including some badgers.

Anyway, I was lucky enough to have this camera for this project as it easily disguises when outside and so I have put it out in parks and walkways to watch the people who are walking along them.

Louis Quail - Big Brother

Louis Quail is a documentary photographer who is best known for his personal, long term projects. He also does lectures and exhibits internationally as well as completely short films. Quail recently completed a project called ‘Big Brother’ in which he documented his brother’s life and his struggles with Schizophrenia. He has received several nominations/ awards for this body of work, including the Series Winner, ‘Big Brother’, Renaissance Photography Prize [Review: The Guardian]
The Metro Imaging Award, ‘Big Brother’ Portfolio Review, Format17
and he was Shortlisted, ‘Big Brother’, Wellcome Photography Prize, Social Perspectives, London, UK. (https://louisquail.com/about/, 2020)

Louis Quail’s brother Justin, has diagnosed Schizophrenia which has caused complications within his day to day life as well as family and friends lives. Within this project, Quail documents a number of different aspects of his brother’s life showing his struggles.

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He uses scans of his brothers artwork, he is very interested in Bird Watching and so this is a big part of his life.

I found this work to be very powerful and inspiring. I also love the play on words for the title ‘Big Brother’ as he is in fact his brother however he is watching his every move to be able to document his life accurately.
I feel this project links to my own in the aspect of being watched and the mental health aspect of things, as it is not necessarily easy to show someone’s mental health through images, but that is exactly what Louis Quail has done here, and he has done a pretty amazing job at it as well. Even though I am not documenting peoples lives as such, from taking images with hidden cameras I am able to catch them without them knowing, so it is completely natural angles.

1984 - George Orwell

I had always heard people referencing back to 1984 when it comes to the feeling of being watched, so I felt it necessary to watch it for this project.

I became very interested very quickly in what the story had to tell. The idea that we are all conforming to society and have to be a certain way and that we are being watched in every way and sense possible. I know that I feel as if every google tab I open or every time I may say something that sounds illegal when I am joking (not that I have ever done anything illegal, as I haven’t) but it’s that paranoia that we have no idea what we could have done so we constantly try to remember every little we could have done that was bad whenever there is a police officer or an official person.

1984 is originally is a dystopian novel which was published in 1949 by the famous author George Orwell. The story follows an individual names Winston Smith who starts to get bored of the life he lives where everyone follows and listens to ‘Big Brother’ and there every move is watched by these ‘telescreens’ which are everywhere, even in their rooms. Winston falls in love with a lady named Julia, they both try to find a way of fighting against Big Brother by trying to find an organisation named ‘The Underground’ which is supposedly doing just that. However, once they consult someone who they believe to be a part of this organisation, they end up both being taken away and almost mind-controlled into believing that Big Brother is there God and that they should worship him no matter what, this makes them almost turn against each other.

Unlike many dystopian novels, which are set in distant and unfamiliar futures, 1984 is convincing in part because its dystopian elements are almost entirely things that have already happened, as Orwell drew from first-hand experience in creating the world of Oceania. For example, “2 + 2 = 5” was a real political slogan from the Soviet Union, a promise to complete the industrializing Five-Year Plan in four years. Orwell satirizes the slogan here to demonstrate the authoritarian tendency to suspending reality. Prior to writing the novel, Orwell had watched the communist revolution in Russia and volunteered to fight against the Fascist government in the Spanish Civil War. At first supportive of the Russian Revolution, Orwell changed his opinions after realizing that behind the veneer of justice and equality lurked widespread famines, forced labor, internal power struggles, and political repression. While fighting in the Spanish Civil War, Orwell became disillusioned with elements within the resistance forces that he felt wanted to replace the Fascist government with an authoritarian regime of its own. These experiences provide much of the political satire of 1984.

When 1984 was written, World War II had ended only a few years prior, and many people believed a World War III was inevitable, making the wars of the novel feel not just realistic but unavoidable. Additionally, 1984 was written three years after the U.S. dropped atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and Orwell references nuclear-powered wars happening in different parts of the world. The idea of three superstates came from the 1943 Tehran Conference, where Stalin, Winston Churchill, and Franklin D. Roosevelt discussed global “areas of influence” and how they should exercise their influence on the rest of the world. Orwell also included everyday life experiences from World War II London. The unappetizing food, inconsistent electricity, and scarcity of basic household goods in 1984 come from Orwell’s experiences with wartime rationing. (https://www.sparknotes.com/lit/1984/context/historical/why-orwell-wrote-1984/#:~:text=While%20fighting%20in%20the%20Spanish,the%20political%20satire%20of%201984., 2020)

It is interesting to research into when Orwell wrote this novel as it almost feels like the future, even now, when you watch it, I can imagine a lot of the people who read the novel when it was first released also felt that this is what the future would look like.

What influenced George Orwell's writing?

The rise to power of dictators such as Adolf Hitler in Germany and Joseph Stalin in the Soviet Union inspired Orwell's mounting hatred of totalitarianism and political authority. Orwell devoted his energy to writing novels that were politically charged, first with Animal Farm in 1945, then with 1984 in 1949. (https://askinglot.com/what-was-george-orwells-purpose-for-writing-1984, 2020)

I find this piece of information interesting as Power is such a, ironically, powerful thing! It can go straight to peoples heads and a lot of others will just follow those in power due to fear of being an outcast or of getting into trouble. Growing up in the household I did, I can completely validate this! I was outcasted from the family because I was strong-minded enough to be different and not agree with everything my stepdad said, however, my siblings were too scared to do this as they were scared of getting into trouble.

Even though I may have been ‘Strong’ enough to not necessarily take orders from him, this made my life a lot more difficult and in my mind, I don’t see it as a good thing if I had just listened and done everything he told us to do, I wouldn’t have been outcasted, I wouldn’t have been the one who was most hated by everyone else. I would have been treated like everyone else. Which still was nowhere near good, but it was probably better than being felt left out and constantly being the one who isn’t a part of anything. It’s only through doing these projects for as a form of phototherapy that I am realising that we basically lived in a sort of ‘dictatorship’ household, which may sounds extreme but that is almost exactly what it was like.

Laws on cameras

What about filming someone without their permission?

The police say that taking photographs or video footage in public places is not illegal unless it is for criminal or terrorist purposes.

Taking images of an individual without their  consent is usually a civil matter, as an expectation of privacy in certain settings is applicable.

Taking a photo of a person where they can expect privacy (inside their home or garden) is likely to be a breach of privacy laws. (https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/4093108/illegal-record-conversation-film-someone/, Harrison G., Parry, M. and Petkar S., 2019)

Freedom to photograph and film

Members of the public and the media do not need a permit to film or photograph in public places and police have no power to stop them filming or photographing incidents or police personnel. (https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/ph/photography-advice/, 2020)

Generally you have the right to photograph anywhere that is public property, including public roads, footpaths, rights of way and between high and low tide at least if not the entire beach areas throughout the UK. Generally no person has the right of privacy of themselves or their property photographed from such a place.

On private property, that you have been granted access to, you can take photographs unless you are asked not to, or where in being granted access its not a contractual term that you do not take photographs, usually this is not a blanket restriction more of a commercial restriction on the use of the photographs.

You can be asked not to photograph on private property, or it can be made a condition of entry that you do not, however usually restrictions are not applied so widely but such items as commercial photography tends to be covered, so its not that they want to stop you taking photographs as much as seeing the potential to get cash out of those who they think will pay up. In many cases where photographers using better cameras get challenged, where others using point and shoot cameras, phones etc do not, its just that you look as if you might be doing something to make a pound or two, and lets face it the average security guard isn’t likely to know the difference between one photographer and another.

As a general guide if someone objects to what you are photographing, the best advice is to move on to another topic, after all there is no shortage of topics.  A police officer who asks you to move on, is a risk to you if you don’t do it, as you could find yourself in trouble for causing an obstruction. People using tripods often get problems partly because they are in one place longer and therefore there is more chance when seen on a security camera for people to get to you, but also some are concerned about the risks of someone tripping over the tripod legs.

No one, other than a police officer who takes it for evidence, can take your camera away,  and they are supposed to just take the card rather than the camera if you have taken it out of the camera , and no one can insist you delete photographs taken, but it’s a good idea to know how to hide images, see article on this,  as this satisfies most, and defuses situations. (http://www.photographers-resource.co.uk/photography/Legal/Access_Rights.htm, 2020)

I decided it would be a good idea to do a bit of research into taking pictures of people without them knowing in different areas, just to make sure that it is completely legal.

Now that I know I can take pictures in any public spaces I feel a lot more at ease, I also feel a bit better knowing that people can only film legally in public places and some only if they have permission. Although I feel this will still not stop those that are able to hack into computers and other camera systems… I have found from this project just how easy it is to hide a camera, although they are not as easy to get hold of. The cameras on Wish are not great quality and those on Amazon are not as hidden. There is always the possibility, however, of buying tiny cameras like I did and hiding them in places which is quite easy to do.

Either way, I now know that I can continue with this project without being worried of breaking the law!


Stacey Dooley Documentary

In South Korea, there is a massive problem with molka (secret filming with a sexual nature). People hide the cameras in all sorts of places, including showerheads, public toilets, anywhere you could imagine.

In 2009, all pornography websites were banned and the distribution of pornographic content is punishable by either a fine or a prison sentence. Even though it is not illegal for an individual to download, watch or store pornographic content, these laws make it very difficult for anyone to find it. This is one of the main reasons people resort to using molka as they feel it satisfies their needs.

This is such a horrible situation as it can really affect so many peoples lives.

‘South Korea: woman reportedly kills herself after being secretly filmed by doctor’ (Taylor, J., 2019)

This woman found out that she was being secretly filmed by her doctor in a hospital change room, which resulted in her having trauma and natures after the incident.

Sadly, it is now very common for people, women especially, as they constantly feel as if they are being watched due to this ‘voyeurism epidemic’ (Taylor, J. 2019)

‘There were 32,000 cases of sexual violence reported to police in 2017, compared to 16,000 in 2008, according to data from the National Police Agency.’ (Jeong, S., 2019)

‘Of the 16,201 people arrested between 2012 and 2017 for making illegal recordings, 98% were men; 84% of the 26,000 recorded victims over that period were women.’ (McCurry J, 2018)

After watching Stacey Dooley’s documentary, it was made quite apparent that most women try to stay away from men due to fears of being assaulted, this is so sad and seems like it can only make the molka situation worse as the men do not feel as if their needs are satisfied. Not only this, but from what I gathered from the documentary, those who have been found guilty of this crime, do not necessarily think they have done any wrong.

They have dedicated teams to find hidden molka in South Korea now due to how large of problem it is.

At the end of the documentary, there were some stats that really shocked me.

‘Scotland made Upskirting illegal in 2010, England and Wales made upskirting illegal in 2019, Upskirting is not yet a specific offence in Northern Ireland.’

‘Upskirting is the act of taking a sexually intrusive photograph up someone's skirt without their permission.’ (O’Malley, K. 2019)

This must be such a horrible thing to live with, knowing how big the crime rates are in this area and how anything these people do could ruin their lives and I can imagine it makes them so scared to live a normal life where to do not feel as if anything could be held against them or anything similar.

‘

Different cameras that I've bought

I took some photos of the cameras which I bought on amazon in different settings, for example, I bought a tiny camera and was experimenting with it to see where I could put it to hide it more, so far i have tried to hide it inside of a teddy bear which I am going to get my nephew to play with.

I had this great vision of possibly printing one of the camera images really big, so that the audience feels as if they are being watched through an image.

I tried to cast a shadow on the Teddy Bear to create a sort of sinister look but also because this feeling of being watched almost feels like a shadow of my step dad, the one who put the camera in my room as a child, watching over me all the time.

The more photos I take, the more I am thinking of creating some large prints of these as my final display.

Shoot of CCTV cameras

I went into Bath to get some pictures of some of the CCTV cameras around however I was quite shocked at the lack of them. There were hardly any throughout the streets.

This, weirdly, made me feel more paranoid as I know they are watching us but from where? A lot of the ones i did find were quite high up, so there is a chance that I just didn’t see them as I wasn’t looking up enough? I am considering going into Bristol to get some more images as I know there are more there.

I am still considering whether to use any images of CCTV camera within my final display as they do not seem to bother me that much, when I see them i know I am being watched which is not what makes me paranoid, it is when I do not know if I am being watched that I get scared, as when I am being watched I know not to do anything embarrassing or stupid, whereas when I don’t know I could do all sorts without realising.

Digital Large printing workshop

When I first started this project, I was adamant that I wanted to make a book as my final outcome. However! After today’s session with Sam, creating large prints, I have decided that I would like to print some big images ! I feel this will help get my idea and project across to people, if I have large images of cameras staring right at them, I am hoping, in the nicest possible way, that it might make them feel slightly uncomfortable!

I printed an old image I found that had CCTV cameras in it, which I might even use in this project, not too sure quite yet, but I like the aesthetic of it. Shown below.

Charley Skinner Print.jpg

This session has really given me a lot of ideas and I am now able to picture things a lot better. I am thinking at this point, of printing a few big BIG images, possibly A1 or even A0 of hidden cameras on a white background and then a series of images next to it of what the camera had caught. Below are a couple of sketched of ideas I have and how I am visualising things. I am not quite sure whether to show the hidden in a light studio on a white background or whether to have images of where I put the camera for the series of images. Though I do like the idea of having the Teddy bear image very big as I feel it will help with the uncomfortable feeling.

What triggers these emotions?

I noticed that there are specific scenarios which may trigger my paranoia more and that feeling of being watched so I had a think and tried to remember and capture any time I would feel like this the most.

  • When typing in a password when not at home, I often feel as if someone is watching me type it in, similar to when I am going to an ATM.

  • When getting in and out of the shower. If no one else is home, this feeling is a lot stronger

  • When the curtains are open and it’s dark out or if there are other buildings near be.

  • When I have to fill out an official form, eg on the government website

  • When driving

  • Anytime a police officer is near me, even though I have done nothing wrong!

  • When entering a shop

  • When I used to work in Superdrug and they would watch the employees every move

  • Whenever I use my phone or laptop

These are just a few, I am sure there are more, but I feel I could use these ideas as an aesthetic so I am thinking I will take some images of these sorts of ideas to start taking some pictures and to see how they work together.

Asking people if they feel watched.

This person feels as if their body image is constantly being judged, that the world we live in today is very much about knowing someone based on their appearance rather than who they actually are which cannot be seen with the naked eye.

They explained that they do not like being a part of video calls other than ones for university due to watching Unfriended and Truth or dare both horror films. So this person, in my opinion, has been highly influenced by films and by today’s society and how they are very quick to judge.

I also asked my boyfriend the same questions, and funnily enough, he did not feel this way at all until he had to set himself up as self-employed. Not long after this he started to feel very paranoid and started remembering everything he may have done that they could catch him out for, even though he did nothing wrong. He felt as if the government were watching his every move. Although even after this feeling, he still does not have it now that he has sorted it all out.

I set up a few questions and polls on Instagram to see the different responses and I was quite pleased and interested in the variety of responses that were given.

Form reading the responses, the idea I got from some was that, some feel that people feel they are being watched through guilt, some feel as if they are being watched due to having watched horror films or films which imply being watched within them, others suggested they feel this way due to the amount of CCTV cameras around and device cameras, as well as being heard by social medias who have very often heard something you have said and then given you a personalised ad for this product not long after.

I was quite surprised at the amount of people who say they do not feel they are being watched, I suppose because I have felt this way since a very young age, it is difficult for me to understand what it is like to not feel like I am. I am glad that there are people who are able to get on with their daily lives without feeling this way. I am glad I did this survey as it has made me feel as if my project idea has a lot of different stories and meanings behind it as everyone will experience is differently.

Where did these thoughts come from?

As I explained in my proposal, my siblings and I went through a large amount of mental abuse which has affected our everyday lives in a number of different ways. One of the things that I feel, is this sense of paranoia, I constantly feel as if I am being watched for everything I do. When I explained this feeling in the tutorial, I was asked if I knew where it came from. I gave this some thought and realise that there are a number of things that may have been the main cause of this.

Firstly, when my sister and I were about 5 and 10, my step dad placed a camera in our room for around a week and the excuse was that my sister had cut the carpet and they needed to keep an eye on her and I never thought of it as being weird as this seemed quite normal to me, until recently when I told my older sister about it and she said that she has similar experiences when she was younger with him and this made me think that he is a bit of a creep, but that idea of there being a camera in our room to ‘keep and eye on us’ has never left my thoughts and has made me constantly paranoid about it.

Secondly, we could be watched and constantly told what we could and could not do and we wouldn't get very badly told off if we did something that my step dad did not like, we were only allowed 1 hot meal a day which we would have at school and then come home to have a sandwich, we weren’t allowed to have a drink without asking, we had to make sure everything was always very clean and tidy, and so from this I have always felt like I have someone watching over me.

Thirdly, when i was around 8 or 9, I developed a very nasty rash on my back due to not being very clean as I was always so worried about having a shower as my step dad would tell us we couldn’t have one if he was going to have one. One day I went to my dads house for the weekend and he noticed the rash, and straight away took me to hospital, at the time I was so young, I had no idea what was going on and to me I didn’t really care about it but apparently it was quite serious. The hospital rang social services as nothing had been done sooner, from this, they had to do a couple of reviews of my home life, and I got the blame for all of it, nobody spoke to me properly for a couple of days, and from this I felt as if I had done something horribly wrong and felt as if everything I did or said was being monitored. I still feel this way now especially when being around “Official” people, just writing this post is making me very nervous as I worry somebody might see it and have a go at me or something similar.

I realise that these words are quite graphic and are explaining a lot about what went on in my childhood, and the last thing I want is for people to feel sorry for me or anything like that, all I wish is for people to understand me. To understand the way I am and that I may be a bit different to other people because of the way that I grew up. This is why I have decided to do this project on surveillance to hopefully show people, without them having to experience it full time, how it is to feel these emotions.

Hidden Cameras

I bought a couple of item off of Amazon, knowing I could return them easily, which have hidden cameras in them, I thought it would be interesting to have an image (shown below) which has a few hidden cameras in it, but without pointing out where they are.

How many cameras do you see?

How many cameras do you see?

Below are the cameras pointed out so that you can see where they are.

When I thought about how many cameras are in this one corner of the kitchen, I started to realise that this is how I feel every day, every time I am washing up or cooking or anything normal, I constantly feel as if my every move is being watched. To someone who does not necessarily deal with this sort of paranoia, I am hoping that they will begin to understand it a bit better through actually being watched and by seeing how it feels. I would never wish this thoughts and feelings upon anyone, I would much prefer for people to live ‘norma;’ happy lives, but what I would like to do is for them to just understand what it is like to feel this way. Even though this is a big part of my daily life, the feeling of being watched, it is still just a minor aspect of what the aftermath of mental abuse can cause. I struggle to do anything as I feel like someone might be watching me and judging me for doing it when in reality I should not worry about this at all.